My sister is a law student and as such, that accomplishment in itself makes her infinitely smarter than me. That she also refuses to buy me all the kurtas on display at Lajpat Nagar’s Central Market and thus saves my wardrobe from potential fashion hara-kiri is a continuing testimony to the same. So whenever my brain feels particularly suicidal, all I have to do ask her a small, very small law-related question. The ensuing tirade, explanation and accompanying case examples take care of entertainment for the next hour or so.

Like this one time, Ma was watching a Bengali version of K’ekta Kapoor’s sappy brain-raping. And since I am the module based on which dictionary[dot]com added ‘joblessness’ to their search database, I was doing the same. For 7 solid minutes, Mother-in-Law lamented to Father-in-Law that Daughter-in-Law had ‘498’-ed the Philandering Son. After about 5 minutes of not really knowing what was happening, Ma and I decided that we will be informed viewers. I was delegated the duty of yelling across the hall to my sister, ‘What is 498 in your law thing?’ Immediately, a largely disinterested, nonchalant voice yelled back ‘It’s a section of the Indian Penal Code dealing with domestic violence’. Ma and I both gaped at the promptness of her answer; Ma, because it meant my sister had really been studying and all that yelling may have to come to a stop *gasp! horror!*, and me because she didn’t even have to Google it!

I again required her legal services when I wrote my second post that was a glorified Chennai rant. I asked her if I was breaking any laws etc. After being very amused for about half a minute at my belief that the Indian Judiciary had the time to go through my blog and then decide to imprison me, she said, ‘Work in a disclaimer in your next post, as *law-related drivel*… also, you can quote Article 19 because *lullaby*’.

Having seen the kind of thinking she does on-her-feet (and when they are raised on our living room’s coffee table, much to Ma’s chagrin), I wondered what kind of debates she would be a part of when she finally becomes a part of the system. Much informed discussion, John Grisham and Google-searching later, this YouTube video answered all my questions:

(for the sake of everyone’s sanity, here are the dialogues the two characters are bellowing):

F: But! That is an eye witness and that is aenough.

M: *ape-walk* Just I’m asking only for your orgument sake, ssupoze if I break and shake the physical ar the mental fitness of the witness *simultaneous finger-snapping* What your stand..

F: First of all YOU must anderstand, the prosecution lawyer, her orgument and her witness are strong. Vewwy strong.

M: But the defence side is too strong *hair falls on face*

F: Don’t talk. Show it in action.

M: Saarry for the interruption, this is only my introduction. During the crass-examination, you will see my action-cum-direction added into perfection. In the name of the witness, your brain is a imitation. That’s my conception.

F: *hapless attempt at rhyming* NO! That is your assssumption.

M: *Flicks hair* Don’t get emotion and illitation, you wait and see me further action!

*author shoots self*